Balancing Work and Family
SCBA President Performs Ultimate Balancing Act

By Stuart Home • Photo by Rich Ehrlich Photography

When the editor of the Sacramento Lawyer told me that he was going to do an issue on balancing family and work and asked me to contribute an article, it sounded like an assignment tailor- made for me. I am living the ultimate balancing act. You see, I work 200 miles away from my family. That's right, 200 miles! It's one heck of a long commute! I better begin by first explaining how I ended up living in the rural outskirts of Salinas, California, a small city with a population of just over 150,000 located east of Monterey, while continuing to work in Sacramento and serving as the Sacramento County Bar Association President. It is an interesting tale in itself, but also serves to highlight some of the lessons I have learned about the difficult, delicate art of balancing a family and a career.

The State Bar held its annual conference in Monterey in October 2002. Throughout my life, whenever I had a chance to visit that area of the state, I would stay with a long-time family friend who owned a fiveacre ranch overlooking the Salinas Valley. When I arrived there for the bar conference, however, I discovered a real estate lock box attached to her front door. My friend explained that as she had gotten older, it had become increasingly difficult to maintain the property and that she had reluctantly decided to sell the ranch she loved and move north to Eureka to be closer to family.

When the idea first popped into my head that perhaps my wife and I could buy the property, I remember my first thought was "Well, that's nuts, it would never work." But at the same time another little voice inside my head said, "This might be one of those 'once in a life time opportunities' that you'll always regret if you don't at least consider it!" My wife, Audrianne, and I had always talked about wanting to own property with acreage, and what a beautiful place this would be for our kids to grow up, so the idea was quick to take on a life of its own.

I was sure many times during the following months that in fact things were not going to work out and my family would just continue our "normal" suburban life in Sacramento. But as we overcame hurdle after hurdle, it began to appear that our lives would never be quite the same. The first big issue we tackled was employment. I have a confession to make: I really, really like my job working for Jacobsen & McElroy, where I specialize in construction defect litigation for insurance defense. The thought of giving that up and looking for another job almost made me not want to take the ranch-buying plunge. I also had a commitment in a year and a half to serve as the SCBA President and that was very important to me as well. As it turned out, however, had it not been for the encouragement of my employer our move would probably never have happened.

Therein I learned that one of the most crucial elements in trying to maintain a balance between family and work is to have an employer that is flexible and willing to accommodate its employees' needs. For many people this is an employer letting you work shifted hours so you can get your kids off to school and then come in to work late in exchange for working later into the evening. Or perhaps your employer agrees to let you change your schedule to accommodate coaching little league one day a week in the afternoon. The buzzwords you might encounter that describe this are "alternative workweek," "job sharing" and "flexible work." The most important thing is that the employer must realize that there are many benefits to be gained by making these accommodations for its employees. Many companies have found that this flexibility results in the work still getting done in a quality manner, but with happier and more dedicated employees.

Of course in my situation, circumstances were a little more extreme. There was of no way I could commute on a daily basis, so some creativity was in order. A law school friend in Sacramento was willing to rent an extra room to me. I also discovered that trains regularly run from Sacramento to Salinas and would be a good alternative method of transportation to save some wear and tear on my car. So I approached the firm's partners and explained the situation-that I wanted to fulfill a dream of owning a beautiful piece of rural property while keeping the job I enjoyed so much. I proposed working three days a week in Sacramento and then telecommuting the rest of the week from a home office in Salinas. To my amazement, the partners at my firm said they were willing to give it a try and also work toward developing regular business in that area. Karen Jacobsen even gave me an added boost of encouragement by saying "If anyone can make this work, you can."

The next biggest challenge then became determining whether or not my marriage and family could survive having me away for several days at a time on a regular basis. At the time we were on the brink of making this major life change, we had three young children (we now have four). As you can imagine, my wife and I had some long discussions about this particular issue. One thing we realized was that if I took a job closer to home, say in Monterey, I'd probably leave home most days before the kids got up and then return home at or after dinner to spend an hour with them before bedtime. If I continued to work in Sacramento according to the new plan, I'd miss seeing them for a few days, but I'd hopefully get to spend more "quality time" with them on the days I was home. We decided that it would be helpful to maintain regular contact (via telephone and/or e-mail) during the days I was away to keep me up to date on what was going on with each family member. I also knew a few people who had managed to work jobs that required them to be away from home on a regular basis, but still managed to make it all work, so I knew it was possible.

Here was where I learned another important aspect of maintaining a balance between work and home: It takes having a partner you work well with to make it work out. Whether your situation is like ours, with one spouse at home while the other is the sole breadwinner, or one where both spouses have careers while raising children, cooperation between both is a critical element in making it work. First, both have to agree on a common goal, and then both have to be flexible and willing to make adjustments (and sometimes sacrifices) to reach compromises as new challenges arise. And that's the kicker: New challenges constantly arise; life continually manages to throw new challenges that test the bounds of your commitment. I can only imagine the difficulties and challenges faced by single parent families; the balancing act must truly become an intricate dance.

There is no doubt that it has been an amazing transition for us, and at times a difficult one. Audrianne not only had to adjust to a dramatically different rural lifestyle that included caring for donkeys, horses, chickens, dogs, cats, rabbits, reptiles and even a flock of homing pigeons, but also had to be willing to be a "single parent" for several days a week. I in turn am still learning how to be more engaged and fully present with my wife and children when I am home so that the time I am there is "quality" time to make up for a lack of quantity. I find that from the moment I walk in the door at the beginning of my time at home I am met with a constant demand to play games and read stories, with each child wanting his or her fair share of Dad's undivided attention. It makes the juggling act of trial work seem relatively easy! I have found that including the children as much as possible in daily activities allows me to accomplish some of the things I need or want to do, such as cleaning the chicken coop or putting in a garden, while also fulfilling our need to spend time with each other. It usually takes a heck of a lot longer to get anything done with my "helpers" than if I just did it myself, but I am learning that the journey is more important than the destination and I have faith that someday I'll finish the myriad projects that await me . . . probably sometime after the last kid has grown up and moved away from home.

While our choice of life style has been somewhat unique, the challenge of maintaining a strong family relationship with one or both parents working long hours away from home is typical of many families and especially those in the demanding practice of law. I have utmost respect for the women in our profession who choose to raise families and remain dedicated to their careers at the same time. It seems that a generation ago, the relatively few women that were in the law either decided to pursue their career in lieu of a family, or as in the case of my own mother-in- law, a retired Los Angeles Superior Court Judge, deferred their careers until after their children were older. Today, however, a new generation of women has decided to tackle it all. Two partners in my firm have had children while building their law careers. The challenges they face appear at times far more difficult than my own. The demands placed on "Mommy" as the nurturer don't disappear simply because she has a successful law practice. Figuring out how to balance the competing demands is a unique challenge for women. Once again, the support of their partners in life and the workplace is undoubtedly a critical factor in their success.

I should also say a few words about technology, which definitely plays an important role in my lifestyle. Today more than ever before we have the ability to be truly mobile, carrying with us the tools to perform our job while remaining "connected" to our office. With the use of a laptop I carry notes on all my active cases and the ability to record my time on a remote copy of Timeslips. I also carry copies of all pleadings and correspondence our office has generated on my files, and important pleadings are typically scanned for easy transport and retrieval as well. With the use of briefcase feature in Windows, when I get back to the office everything is synchronized within minutes of being connected to the office network. If I am out and about and need additional information I can either access the office network through a wireless access point (commonly found in coffee houses and airports), or I can simply use my cellular phone as a wireless modem. As a result, without the interruption of a telephone, I often find myself more productive outside my office than in. Most of this technology was already in place and there was very little additional cost. Thanks to this technology, I am able to communicate with my office, review my mail and draft letters while listening to roosters crowing, donkeys braying and horses neighing! With the help of technology I am able at times to attend my children's school meetings and performances, help with their math homework or take them to a doctor's appointment while staying accessible to my office.

Of all the variables, flexibility by all involved is probably the most important aspect of balancing family and work. Circumstances and needs are constantly changing and adaptations have to be made to meet those challenges. As I sit here in Salinas finishing this article, I'm using my right foot to rock the sleeping baby, while my wife sits across from me preparing the backgammon board for our evening game. If that isn't "flexibility" I don't know what is! Our time with our children goes by so quickly, and while I want to provide the best possible life I can for my family, I also want to enjoy what I have worked so hard for with them. But then again, doesn't everybody?

May / June 2005